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Pornstar PhD Party

ROBBIE SWAN is a lobbyist for Australia’s adult retail industry. A spin-doctor for spoof. A hack for the hung. He pushes pussy around the halls of parliament and talks turkey slaps on a regular basis. And of course, meets a few erotic actrines as part of the job – the big surprise being their high level of education.

 

100_5872[1]When one of my clients recently suggested that I throw a dinner party for a visiting smooch of U.S. porn stars, I naturally expected that I would meet the latest and greatest in that long and venerable line of the great unzipped. How wrong I was. They were not divas at all. They were PhDs!

Bobbi Star was first through the door. Like many young actresses entering this industry she was brought up in an evangelical household. (Belladonna was raised a Mormon!). At 24 she has a music degree and plays oboe, clarinet and piano with a particular fondness for baroque music. Cute as a button and sharp as a tack, she represents the new crop of Generation Y porn stars who seem to reject the diva image in favour of a more tribal thing.

Next in was Roxy Jezel. At 25 she has a degree in Philosophy and Ethics. She’s the sort of porn star that hardline feminists like Sheila Jeffries and Andrea Dworkin just love to hate. Try telling her she’s being ‘used’ or that what she does is immoral and you’ll get a half hour dissertation on Kant with cunt.

100_5889[1]Next, the star of Debbie Does Dallas… Again. The diminutive Monique Alexander. Although she hasn’t got a degree, Monique can hold her own with the best of them. Recently she took part in a very academic debate at Yale University as part of ABC News Nightline’s Face Off program. Hosted and moderated by the urbane Martin Basheer, Monique debated the positive aspects of a career in porn against a moral onslaught from Pastor Craig Gross from the XXX Church. Monique did him like a dinner. Back at the party, she confided to me that she eschews relationships so she can get on with her career but she also dreams of having children, post porno.

Last one in is Jay Grdina. Jay is a former student of business and psychology was formerly married to the world’s most famous porn star, Jenna Jameson, Jay has just sold Club Jenna to Playboy for a cool $35million as part of their divorce settlement. He’s the only millionaire in the world with a Mohawk. Well he’s the only one I know anyway... Jay is the most engaging male porno producer I’ve ever met with a genuine warmth and interest in the other people around him. At last, a big dick with a small ego!

The minders from Calvista who are hosting our guests are also in and so is Roxy’s mum! Say what? Yep, Roxy’s mum has come all the way from the UK to join the Magical Clitory Tour. She’s like a kind of spiritual advisor to the group who doesn’t say much but when she does they’re like pearls of wisdom from the streets. At first she was a bit apprehensive of her daughter’s lower chakra/higher education choices but like the mums of many porn star daughters, she finally got the hang of it to the extent that she’d go on tour.

With the introductions over my partner Fiona, sits us all down. I’m a vegetarian so I’ve cooked up a tofu curry but Fiona is worried that porn stars have to have meat or their working parts won’t function properly. So she’s done the Aussie rack of lamb. I ask Bobbi about her music and she stuns me with the fact that she has played in a symphony orchestra. I wonder if the bassoonist or the string section has seen her performances in Romancing the Ass or Butt Junkies #2.

By way of association, Fiona mentions the fact that the world’s most famous male porn star, Ron (the Hedgehog) Jeremy, is a concert pianist as well and that he played for her in the foyer of a ritzy hotel in LA a few years ago. Bobbi is unaware of Ron’s musical talent. She’s also unaware of his other professional talents like his nine-inch penis. Fiona continues that Ron took her to see a James Taylor concert and when the concert was over he took her backstage to meet James. Not being musically minded she recalled anonymous but clearly famous pop stars falling over themselves to meet Ron and was astounded at how far his celebrity extended. I tell Bobbi that Ron was a carer for autistic kids before he became a porn star, which again has her lost for words.

None of the girls are big into meat it turns out and so Fiona’s lamb is not the hit that Sam Kekovic promises. My curried tofu goes down well with the girls and all of them it seems have major concerns for animal welfare. What is it about female porn stars that so many of them are card-carrying members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and the Humane Society? Monique’s MySpace site quotes her as saying, “Save all the puppies from evil people”. A lot more sensible than the Christian’s clarion call of “God kills a kitten every time you masturbate”.

Jenna Jameson has just announced she’s joining forces with PETA to promote less, rather than more skin... well, fur skin anyway. She’s championing the use of a synthetic leather called ‘Pleather’ and now features on a PETA promo poster looking very retro vamp and encouraging people to ‘pleather yourself’. Although the ad sounds and looks like Ita Buttrose meets Betty Pages, Jenna claims her conversion is very real. "It's okay to be an animal in bed but not at the expense of real animals. If I can show off the hot look of Pleather and convert a few leather lovers, then mission accomplished." Well, can’t really argue with that.

As we line up for a final photo I cast a knowing glance up at the cast. This is perhaps the only industry that doesn’t have a casting couch. Perhaps that’s because its just one huge casting couch where what goes around, eventually comes around. I feel an epiphany coming on. The industry is as it is. I feel at one with it and as I bid our guests good bye, I ask Jay what he’ll do when he gets back to Arizona. He’ll visit his folks he says…and maybe go to Mass with them on Sunday. It’s a zen moment with a difference - the sound of one hand slapping.

Pictures: Body Politic

Top Pic - From Top Left: Fiona Patten, Eros CEO; Mr and Ms Robbie Barnes, Calvista; Roxy Jezel; Monique Alexander: Roxy's Mum; Kevin Muss from Antigua Pictures; Bobbi Star; Jay Grdina; Andrew Mugerwa, Calvista. Front Left: Author, Robbie Swan.

Second Pic - Bobbi Starr

Third Pic - Monique Alexander

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So the very unknown Belgian PM Herman van Rompuy, has been elected as EU President- taking up a position that could be instrumental in the future of the region and global international relations in general.

Only a day later, on the opposite and non-EU side of Europe, Russian and Ukrainian officials met, with Putin announcing that he would be easing gas supply terms to a neighbour that is crucial for Russia's European pipelines. 

Is it too cynical to think this isn't it a coincidence? 

Is it unreasonable to think that as Putin spins a tighter trade web with Former Soviet Republics that this could be his attempt to stand tall and unthreatened by a stronger EU?

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 Re: Commoditisation of aboriginal art

dear jack do you know anything about the history of Aboriginal 'art'??? Your speculation seems based on complete ignorance of the fact that Aboriginal art was invented for white buyers - the Aborigines themselves having survived 40,000 years without needing to give their lore and laws, myths and legends and rules for survival in a hostile climate any permanent form. It was only our attempts to assimilate them into our 'society' that drove the link to canvas - though the money we paid for their art was a nice bonus, and shouldn't be ignored as a continuing motive for painting. cheers - jeremy

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 Re: Farmers and ETS

Thank you for your commentary about farmers in a world of changing climate. Here in the Pacific NW we are not as aware of it as some other places. Our Transition Town group hosted author William Catton last night, who wrote a prophetic book called "Overshoot" back in 1980. During the discussion, a local fish biologist pointed out that of all industries, farmers are the only ones constantly limited by nature. The rest of the world ( with a few exceptions like fishermen or foresters) really do not seem to make their living in a world of limited by forces beyond their control--- or so they imagine. There is a fundamental sanity in these other ways of life that our culture is unwilling to hear. It runs away from the voice of limitation. I think farmers have a lot to teach the world. We always thought there was something wholesome about farming and I think this is exactly it; a lack of hubris. How many slaps in the face will it take before people come to their senses? - Anna Willis

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 Re: Turning Chinese

Obama is just a puppet of the Corporate elites.He has not recinded the Patriot Act,Bushes' presidential orders nor habius corpus.Presently ,we have corporate facism. - Ross

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 Re: Why Won't God Heal Amputees?

it seems that your whole point and discussion is aimed at christianity. what you state is pretty thought provoking and maybe true but one thing that i have to say is that maybe the whole religion thing has just been corrupted by people and that maybe god does exist.... nomatter all the scientific bull that you and other people can come up with, there are still things that you and scientist just cant explain. ie youe exsistance and the fact that you as a human have suchbrain capacity to do what you do today, and why there is such an order in nature "ofcoures humans always fuck up the order" everything on earth is one complex puzzle that works and you and everyone found it working. not only earth but even beyond to space and shit. now you can say that all this came from a bang and what ever but even if you believe that, what created the platform for that bang and why this place and stuff. just too many things dont add up to just say there is no god. and i think most of these motherfuckers miss the point of this religious shit anyway. because god is not a religion but a spiritual bond. dont be fooled by sensationalism and think that god does not exist cos he does. at least for me. the only problem with this now is that humans have sensationalised everything to make thier shit the best and in part have missed the whole point of god. every human bieng needs something to hold on to. even you and weather it is the image of god that people have painted or not is irrelevent. there is something that you believe in.. you might not go to church and get on your knees but its just part of human nature to associate yourself with something. it could be a superstition or eating chocolate coated roaches whatever you like fact is some things are just bigger than our rational. hope to get a responce from you - esco

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Re: Safran sure to offend, but who cares?

It is an interesting question to pursue "And, is there a ratio that exists where the amount of people offended compared to those that weren't makes something objectively racist?" I suppose the most right answer to whether something is racist or not can only come about democratically. By asking people if they find it racist. Even then (in this currently impossible world where people who want to vote on everything) who gets to vote? Hopefully I do. How do I cast my vote? At the moment I abstain. - Joshua Genner

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Re: The Pointless Question of "What is Art?"

You're article serves as a blatant example of people's lack of knowledge/interest in the contemporary art scene. Some of the most profound and revealing conversations stem from dicussions of art, politics and religion so why label them taboo subject matter? why not let the idiots add in their artistic two cents, because who knows what could happen? a change of opinion... an education... a flash of interest? Perhaps you and your friends to venture down to the COFA 09 annual exhibit and see some 200 fresh sydney artists emerge onto the art scene, unless it's too boring/inane. - Kara

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Re: The Pointless Question of "What is Art?"

I dare say the question is not pointless but rather is made pointless by overcomplications of academia and peripherals of market and status, in which Sean appears to have gotten bogged down notwithstanding the word limit. One of the things we do know about art for a fact is that we humans appear to have always had it around from the caves (who can forget the fetching bison from Alta Mira!) So the issue is cutting through the baggage of history as old as humanity to get back to the fundamentals. It took me about 35 years of research but does not take 100 words. It is this: "Art is something that is designed to communicate thoughts and feelings and to influence our thoughts and feeling through one or more of our senses."(25 words) Since we have space, a rider: "The particular art form is qualified by the particular senses involved in production and reception of that communication. If Sound then Music, If body then Dance. If we use eyes to perceive colour and shape we call it Visual art." How you work the item in question is the matter of objectivity after all some of us eat fruit raw and others make jam. If you choose to make art an investment go for it, if you choose to make it a status symbol you won't be the first. However, in my book, art is really the best at being art and in the immortal words of one Oscar Wilde, for any other purpose "All art is quite useless" - Valerie (Co-incidental author of "Why Art? The Pocket Art Expert)
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Re: John Safran ready for when skit hits the fan

The only aspect of "multiculturalism" we (or any western society)have accepted, revolves around food: sweet and sour chicken or donner kebab..nothing else is relevent, interesting or in anyway beneficial to us. The Cronulla riots were seen as well overdue by most people abroad, we should be proud of standing up to and rejecting ethnic gangs from our pure shores - "Peter Piper"

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Re: Brassed off about creationism- by Andy Coghlan

This is why we need change in Texas and why I'm running for State Board of Education. - Rebecca Bell-Metereau (www.voterebecca.com)

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Re: The Rape Tunnel

It astonishes and intrigues me this 'shock art' Being a over zealous muscled ex con looking for love, where could one find Richard Whitehursts hole?

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Re: ETS Voted Down: Rudd Proves Himself An Evil Genius

Nice to see such an insightful article, despite the snide comments.. Did you read the Quarterly Essay by Guy Pearse in writing the first 5 paragraphs- not that that's a bad thing really. Nice of you to widen your vision beyond the road ahead and take in some history- but I would add one thing- that as it stands (in the senate, especially with Steve Fielding) we won't have a real, meaningful ETS passed. The bummer is that even with a double dissolution election and the resultant simultaneous sitting of both houses of parliament (which as you point out, the greens/minor parties and labor would benefit from) would still not change the ETS from it's current configuration- not unless the Greens tripled their vote. Silly that it all came down to labor preferences to a little known party led by a little know bloke named Steve Fielding and Family First- not that that should be the reason we're in this predicament... - Shaun Lambert

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Re: Evil Capitalists

In response to the "100 Words" on Psychotic Capitalism: The statement, "only psychotics fail to distinguish right from wrong," has a semantic problem. What makes a person psychotic is the inability to recognize that, theoretically, actions or behavior can be right and wrong. A psychologically normal person can do this by age 5. But well- intentioned people constantly disagree about which actions are right and wrong in particular situations. This evening my husband and I re- watched "Zeitgeist--- Addendum" on youtube. We had to restrain ourselves from a festival of paranoia, anger and frustration at what appears to be an evil plot to enslave us all, to bleed us like pods in The Matrix. I cannot argue against the idea that Capitalism--- looked at as a planetary movement--- seems heartlessly destructive, yet there is no single person or even group of Illuminati to blame --- we are willing participants in this plot to rule the world, exploit the human race, rape Mother Earth. All of us are not psychotic, rather we are doing what seems right, and we are following norms set by our culture and community. I personally do my best to support those lawmakers who help us define right at wrong at the transpersonal level--- where this kind of crime being committed, with vast and ultimately very personal consequences. Indeed people can be stupider and meaner in groups than singly --- but whatever the right word is for that, it is not psychotic. Our real problem is that we seem incapable of seeing consequences beyond the local and immediate, we are selfish and shortsighted. But the writer is right: stupid, mean, selfish, shortsighted --- these terms trivialize the unfathomable crimes of Capitalists and their sheep-like dupes. - Anna Willis

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Re: Ethics Implicit?

There is one place where ethics is not "implicit everywhere" and that is television and the media generally - the only ethic is win the audience. This is the toxic environment "informing" students. - Terry McGee

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Re: Australia's Swine Flu vaccination plan

The word "pandemic" has absolutely nothing to do with a deadly disease taking over the planet. The definition of "Pandemic" is simply about the SPREAD of a disease. Any disease. It could be a relatively harmless disease like the Swine Flu, to maybe a more harmful type (like normal seasonal influenza). Nothing to do with how bad or how good it is to your health ... just how WIDESPREAD it is. That is the interpretation of "Pandemic". A word that is nothing to be scared about, but just a measure of the SPREAD of any disease (harmful or relatively harmless) around the globe. The original "Spanish Flu" in 1819 killed 50 to 100 million people worldwide. Swine Flu deaths to date? 2,800 or so. Compare this to up to 500,000 deaths worldwide from our ongoing "Seasonal Flu". People need to see things in perspective. Swine Flu is a mild flu. No need for risky & possibly dangerous vaccinations. No need to be scared. In fact NO NEED TO DO ANYTHING. Just stay cool and take whatever vitamins & health supplements that are appropriate. Good luck & stay informed. - Tim
 
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Re: Kabul-shit

A nice puncture of the ADF's mad illusions. Shooting civvies in another land used to be called murder, now we pretend its nation building. It must have struck a chord. General Jim Molan, the butcher of Fallujah, who used white phosphorous & put snipers on hospital rooftops, raves in today's SMH about staying true to the mission. What is it with these guys? Untold deaths in Iraq, bombs still exploding, millions of refugees ... and this guy thinks he's a genius. - Tina G

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Re: Why we shouldn't care about he loneliness of the University Liberal

While you have managed to approach, with a complete lack of understanding and sensitivity, the complaints of the many people who feel alienated by the overtly leftist university agenda, I also think that you have failed to address the concerns of an increasingly disenfranchised leftist populace. The article was concerning the Left Handed bigots, not the personal politics of either of the 4 people mentioned. Their concern was not with, as you pointlessly attacked, their political beliefs, but rather with their freedom to express their beliefs and how they were treated on campus because of them. I write this as a disenfranchised leftist. Apparently, freedom of speech on campus somehow took a backseat to the far left's bigotry, however well intentioned they thought it was originally. I'm not right; I'm not left. But fuck anybody that tries to censure me and revoke my right to freedom of speech, merely for believing in a political party. Anyone that thinks that's OK, well simply look up the definition of fascist. - I Swing My Vote

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