Seriously, it’s pathetic. These are the top five issues that women cry about:
Menstruation: who wants to talk about this dirty habit? Not us!
- Motherhood: money waster!
- Boyfriends: We're not breaking new grounds here...
- Shopping addictions: so you own 200, 000 pairs of shoes huh? So what?
- Weight problems: The classic story.
Have these women been reading too many self-help books or what? The problem with female humour is that basically women haven’t thought of a fresh idea for the last 500 years and aside from a fistful of zany personalities, there’s almost zero to no true comedians - stand-up, television stars etc - who are women.
Women seem to find it difficult to be self-deprecating and absurd. They become too emotional and self-conscious and can’t seem to let go and have fun: which is what great comedy is all about – making total fools of yourselves. What are they scared of? Is it because of their sexuality, their need to always be flirting and giggling and giving in to the “man”? Well we can admit, we will only exclusively date very funny (Jewish) men... but do men want to date funny women? Probably not, but good luck trying to find one anyway!
These so-called female comedians overcompensate for their lack of hilarity, by trying to reach the same levels of aggression as the fat jerk on the amateur comedy circuit. Either that or they put-on the whiny shrill, like a stressed-out wench on heat. Awful! Just awful!
"Aye, so my boyfriend came home the other night from the footy with his mates. He was drunk as a skunk and proceeded to fix the sink… ha ha ha… It’s so typical… He’s like a penis with a man attached… hee haw…"
God have mercy! Please, will someone just shoot them with a lampoon, sorry we mean, harpoon? Better to do a cull now, than have them wasting valuable stand-up time.
Okay, okay. Enough already. So what is it that maketh good comedy? Well we’re not experts or anything, so how ‘bout we have a quick look at some highly acclaimed funny men who almost certainly graduated from the Laugh Academy with High Distinctions.
Jerry Seinfeld – Never before have we seen a man who’s so relaxed and confident. His charisma (and bonus good looks) are so radiant, he could be murdering your mother and still be making you laugh.
Shaun Micallef – An absurd fool if ever there was one. He doesn’t give a shit if you think he’s funny. Art for art’s sake, so to speak.
Dave Chappelle – A nigger with an attitude. He’ll just as easily pay out blacks as he would whites and spics and chinks… oops, can we say that? Is it funnier because he’s a man and black and therefore untouchable? Ho hum…
Sacha Baron Cohen – A man who’s not afraid to push people too far and suffer their wrath. The Baron creates offensive and stereotypical characters and pleads ignorance when faced with the laws of social etiquette and tradition, and we doubt there are any women out there who would go out on such a limb.
Of course, we can admit there are a few exceptions to this dried-up bunch of hags whose members include Judith Lucy, Magda Szubanski, the new “chick” on Rove, Roseanne Barr, Rosie O’Donnell – same woman?
We would like to nominate into this elite circle, the mean-spirited Jewess’ Sarah Silverman and Amy Sedaris, British ball-breakers Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley and the grand dames Lily Tomlin and Phyllis Diller. These comedienne’s really do know how to have a good time and keep the ribs tickling…
All that said, do a poo in someone’s face and see if they notice. Are we funny yet?
About the authors & DUKE Magazine:
DUKE magazine is an irreverent and absurdist pop culture, fashion, and art magazine created by two young Sydney artists, Raquel Welch and Emily Hunt. Launched in December 2006, this bi-annual publication has just unveiled Issue Three.
DUKE offers readers a Warhol-esque take on celebrity culture, thrift fashion and lifestyle, interviews with interesting characters, and even a sexy male centrefold!
DUKE Magazine says what others don’t dare. It is an offensive and entertaining journal, which delivers its message with biting humour and brutal honesty. It is a magazine with an opinion and fierce independent spirit.